I'm leaving Denver this week, and heading back to my small town in Durango, CO... home sweet home, I suppose. Although Denver is a crazy, chaotic and stressful place to be, I have to admit this experience has been beneficial to me. I've realized that no matter where I go or who I'm with, everything is tainted with the absence of her, but that is another story for another day...
I have made friends here, and I have also made unwanted enemies. I find those who are unwanted to be sheep, unproductive and in no way progressive on their path to happiness. I've discovered things about myself, things I've never realized before. The fear of death is something I do struggle with, although the purpose of life is still vague, bleak and depressing.I'm having difficulty managing my bipolar disorder, the manic highs and lows taking a tole on my health. I'm staying sober from alcohol but still continue to smoke weed. Although I was given advice to quit smoking weed because it clouds my mind I find that advice to be unwanted although appreciated. I'm a hedonist by nature, like Nietzsche in a way. I enjoy marijuana, cigarettes, booze, candy, good Italian food, laughs, comedy, good friends, a nice sunny day to lay in the grass, video games, etc... There is so much in this world that is unwanted, and most would say the things I enjoy are pointless and even somewhat childish. One piece of advice I heard was "never lose being a kid at heart." I became a philosopher because I'm trying to figure out this world I live in, the world of which I often despise. The small things, little things, almost meaningless or mundane if you will, are things I truly enjoy and take for granted.
My Buddhist friend here says that "suffering is real, but we as human beings are the only ones who can change our perspective, emotions, and outcome of our lives." As an Existentialist, I agree with this philosophy. Life is pain, life is suffering, but life is also a dialectic as I've stated before. You have to take the good with the bad, just like a teenager in love.
If nothing else, I've learned a new perspective on life. Right here, on Stout Street in Denver, CO.
"I have slain all Gods--for the sake of humanity!!" - Nietzsche.
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