Why I Don't Believe in "God"

This post is a bit controversial, triggering and somewhat depressing, but it needs to be said.

First off, I'm not an "Atheist" nor am I "Agnostic." I'm a Philosopher, as I enjoy reading and studying philosophies such as Nihilism and Buddhism. I realize that every religion has some bit of truth backed up by lies and stories. Even Satanism seems stupid to me, although I once described myself as LaVeyan and later Theistic, I find Satanism to be nothing more than a rebellion of Christianity. Reverse-Christianity is still Christian-based, just as reverse-racism is still racially based. So the concept of Satanism to me is seeming pointless and often sarcastic.

Secondly, I do not believe in God for many personal reasons. I find prayer to be lazy, just as I find blaming God to be a scapegoat. I also do not understand why bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people, and sometimes bad people and good people get what they deserve, whatever that may be. I find this world to be randomness, chaos, and ultimately it's a gamble. If there was a God, I believe he does not care either way about the human race. If God or Bog or whateverthefuck created the world, then he's just sitting back in his Lazy Boy chair, smoking a cigar and either laughing at our suffering or not caring at all. This paragraph is somewhat Nihilistic and Agnostic, but this vision of God is my hypothetical perspective and NOT absolute truth.

The Bible, The Koran, The Torah, none of these books are absolute truth. None of these philosophies such as Nihilism or Buddhism, as influential and helpful as they may be, are absolute truths. This world, as I've said before, is randomness, chaos and uncertainty. I will be perfectly honest and say that yes, I feel this world is a scary place, and the fear of the unknown is one of my biggest fears. I do not believe in God as described in any Bible. I believe I am in control--or lack thereof--of my own life, I am the only one who can fix my problems, and anything that is out of my control is simply that: out of my control.

In other news, I'm currently in Denver, CO right now.
A long way from home, even though I enjoy the city
it's waaay too big for me. I miss Durango, never thought I'd say that.
I will post another blog tomorrow, maybe, haven't decided yet.